tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-104631762024-03-13T12:04:50.156-04:00Signs That The Apocalypse is Upon Usyakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.comBlogger141125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-711238237475680872008-10-24T11:56:00.005-04:002008-10-24T12:02:24.648-04:00Lunch ideas a la DeweyMy wife volunteers at our kids' school library. She just sent me this text message:<br /><br /><blockquote><span style="font-size:85%;">Dewey decimal system is amusing. Animals is next to Cooking, so these books sit side by side:<br /><br />639.9 Smi<br />Sea Otter Rescue<br /><br />641.2 Bou<br />A Day in the Life of a Chef</span></blockquote>yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-87154925888704518132008-09-18T13:59:00.005-04:002008-09-18T14:10:11.198-04:00Combing the streetStephen,<br /><br />My wife called me from the road the other day, shortly after she left the house. She called to tell me that <a href="http://apocalypse-etc.blogspot.com/2008/09/widow.html">The Widow</a> was out in front of her house wearing that same getup, doing some straightening. Only, this time, she wasn't sweeping her lawn with a broom. This time, she was out in the road, picking up tiny pieces of broken pavement. She was grooming the road.<br /><br />When my neighbor talked to her a while back, apparently The Widow told her that when she dies, her sons won't have to sort through her house or hunt for anything; her house is in immaculate order. That's great, but I don't think the execution of her will is likely to be contingent on whether the pavement in front of her house has been combed.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-66786634217501131212008-09-11T20:43:00.004-04:002008-09-11T20:59:17.283-04:00The WidowThere's an old woman who lives around the corner on a nearby street. We pass her house all the time. She has the most immaculate yard I've ever seen. The grass is like a putting green. Only, I think it shines. It's like a shiny putting green. There are no weeds. There aren't even any leaves on the lawn, even though she has a tall, full, healthy maple on her extension.<br /><br />We've seen her out there sweeping her lawn and the street out in front of her house with a broom. Not a rake, but a house broom. And she's always dressed like she's going to the symphony: always a black top and a red pleated skirt with black trim. She's probably about 75 years old. We call her The Widow.<br /><br />Not long ago, I saw The Widow sweeping her extension again in her black and red Sunday getup. Sitting on the lawn next to the maple was a shiny tea kettle. The main body part was the color of pearl, and the spout was a spotless silver.<br /><br />I asked my neighbor across the street if she'd noticed The Widow, and my neighbor said she talked to her. She thinks her name is Helen or something like that, which is perfect. She said she grew up in Grosse Pointe, and was taught to be clean in everything. She told my neighbor she should see the inside of her house: "So clean you could eat off the floor!" My neighbor declined the invitation, but was clearly taken with The Widow.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-22830746640109549302008-08-26T13:36:00.004-04:002008-08-26T13:51:48.820-04:00Honestly, I'm a vegetarian!Steven,<br /><br />I saw something interesting the other week as I was driving up north. I can't remember if it was on I-94 or on 127, but on the left shoulder of the highway, I noticed a car pulled over, and then a little beyond that were two people standing in the grassy ditch, with one of them talking on a cell phone. Just beyond the standing people was an RV or trailer or something, also on the shoulder of the highway. Behind those people and the trailer was a hedge of trees, reaching back into the field perpendicular to the highway. As I passed the hedge, just on the other side, I could see cows. Like, fifty of them. And <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2627444420080826">they were all facing</a> toward the stopped vehicles on the shoulder. They stretched back four several hundred yards, and the closest ones were just a few feet from the highway. The thing is, I don't know if the people in the ditch even knew about the cows because they were just on the other side of the trees. But the cows looked like they definitely knew about the people in the ditch. And they looked like they had a plan of some kind. Some sort of terrible bovine plan.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-33598283205878798142008-08-08T09:44:00.004-04:002008-08-08T09:55:02.967-04:00"Blog" is a stupid wordDear Steven,<br /><br />I do not like the word, "blog." Never have. It sounds like something large and involuntary that has made a wrong-way turn in a human baby's esophagus. I feel the need to apologize when I use the word in polite company, or at least to say it in a way that carries the understanding that it is not a word I approve of, and I use it only because it is standard convention.<br /><br />Please find another word to describe yourself.<br /><br />Thank you.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-16154775370513093412008-08-01T08:15:00.002-04:002008-08-01T08:23:55.816-04:00No luckSteven,<br /><br />Just a quick update on the search for a minstrel.<br /><br />Remember the mole-man I told you about? The one with the cheeseburgers? Yeah, as it turns out, the only thing he can play is the opening riff to "Smoke on the Water." I'm a little suspicious of his résumé, too. He claims to have earned a BFA from Wellesley College in 1984.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-8029665044835615462008-07-26T21:42:00.001-04:002008-07-26T22:01:18.592-04:00Five-syllable wordsDo you mind if I call you Steven? I think it would just help me to write if I had a name to attach to your face. I'll work on the face later, but you have to start somewhere, right? The other options I pondered were <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Guild/2057/diane.html">Diane</a> (because I am a <a href="http://www.cenedra.com/twinpeaksmain.htm">Twin Peaks</a> fan), and Mrs. Crazypants. In the end, I thought Steven was nice. I do reserve the right to change your name (and perhaps, your face) later if I so choose.<br /><br />Last night, Steven, as I was falling asleep, I started going over five-syllable words in my head. Think of your favorite five-syllable word. Let me guess: the emphasis is on the third syllable, right? Of course, there are five-syllable words that have the emphasis elsewhere -- say, the fourth syllable -- but those are generally not as popular as the emphasis-on-the-third-syllable five-syllable words.<br /><br />If you still haven't chosen your favorite, allow me to list some popular suggestions:<br /><br />Auditorium<br />Thessalonians<br />Macadamia<br />Penitentiary<br />Acrophobia<br />Hypochondriac<br />Hippopotamus<br /><br />Below are some of the less-commonly-claimed five-syllable words of choice. I'm not saying these are necessarily worse than the ones listed above. However, don't you think there's probably a reason that some words are less popular than others, Steven? Ponder that, and read these:<br /><br />Periodontist<br />GarrisonKeiller<br />Articulation<br />Telekinesis<br />Louisianayakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-89496982443121514482008-07-25T13:16:00.007-04:002008-07-25T14:11:59.745-04:00People don't get meLast year I left my former place of employment. I saw the hollow faces of the lifers, their pallid eyes, and their messages scrawled in blood on the cafeteria walls. It all said, "Get out while you still can!" So, I did. (Actually, there were a few <a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4431/810/1600/dont%20throw%20butts.0.jpg">other messages</a>, but this one seemed the most urgent.)<br /><br />There has been a lot of <del>turnovers</del> turn-over this past year at that airline which shall not be named, at least not in this entry. This past week, something like 80 people fell victim to staff cuts. The lucky ones were given pink slips and sent on their way. The rest were fed to the coyotes that roam the brush just outside the fence marking off the airfield.<br /><br />I've been working at a software engineering company for the past 15 months or so, and the culture here is much different. People seem much more relaxed, and there's a greater feeling of trust. However, it's not just the company culture that's different. My morning commute takes me to <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073747/">Stepford</a> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oakland_County,_Michigan">County</a>, which while prosperous, is also a bit sterile. I've been trying to figure out how I can fit in better, or at least feel more at home. People here are really nice, but they don't seem to get me, you know?<br /><br />But this week, I think I've hit upon a realization, and possibly, a solution.<br /><br />People don't get me because, for some reason, they don't realize that I'm a folk hero. Somehow, my legendary status hasn't reached these people. So, I've decided that I need to employ the services of a scribe and a minstrel to record and sing about my deeds. A scribe should be easy enough to find. And even if I don't find one, it's no big deal, because I keep being told (along with the other tech writers here) that no one reads the documentation, anyway. However, I don't know where I could find a good minstrel. Actually, there is one employee here where I work who claims to be a minstrel on the side. I'm not sure if I believe him, though. He is a <span class="nfakPe">mole</span>-<span class="nfakPe">man</span> who can be seen working in the mail room during daylight hours, but at night, he retreats to the underground lair beneath the building, where he makes his home. It's not just because he's a <span class="nfakPe">mole</span>-<span class="nfakPe">man</span> that I'm not sure I can believe him. After all, <span class="nfakPe">mole</span>-people are mostly benign, misunderstood creatures with no more bent to fancy than you or me. However, this particular <span class="nfakPe">mole</span>-<span class="nfakPe">man</span> has a history of making incredible claims. Last week he claimed to have successfully raised 11 generations of homing cheeseburgers on the roof. Eleven generations? That seems like a bit of an exaggeration to me.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-42580633004635897032006-11-14T09:26:00.000-05:002006-11-14T09:35:19.228-05:00The Church of England Backs Killing Disabled Babies?I wish I could say that this post's heading was a gotcha line. Apparently, it's not. According to an article in the <a style="font-style: italic;" href="www.dailymail.co.uk">Daily Mail</a>, the Church of England believes it is moral and compassionate for <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=416003&in_page_id=1770">doctors to kill or let die</a> babies who are severely disabled. This reminds me of the tragedy of <a href="http://acc6.its.brooklyn.cuny.edu/%7Ephalsall/texts/c-wnhol.html">China's dying rooms</a>.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-75423867591654563112006-10-31T14:04:00.000-05:002006-10-31T14:06:21.421-05:00File Under:Reasonable ViolenceCan't really say which is more disturbing here, that <a href="http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-10-31T182538Z_01_L31293285_RTRUKOC_0_US-THAILAND-RAMBO.xml&src=rss">they're filming another Rambo</a>, or that there is a level of violence perceived as "reasonable."yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-11185383648296261372006-10-18T10:58:00.000-04:002006-10-18T11:12:41.820-04:00File Under:Taking the 'Child' out of 'Childhood'Oh, for heaven's sake. <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/10/18/no.tag.ap/index.html">Let's not let kids run around and have fun</a>. Then, let's ring our hands and wonder why <a href="http://www.obesity.org/subs/childhood/causes.shtml">our kids are so fat</a> and <a href="http://www.usnews.com/usnews/health/brain/depression/de.about.child.htm">depressed</a>.<br /><br />People who are in charge of our kids' daily education shouldn't be so stupid.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1160754943828496952006-10-13T11:55:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:38.575-04:00File Under:Battle Plans Gone to PotCanadian troops are having trouble fighting the Taliban, because <a href="http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-10-13T125049Z_01_N12349486_RTRUKOC_0_US-MARIJUANA.xml&src=rss">marijuana keeps getting in the way</a>. And yes, they've tried burning the plants. According to General Rick Hiller, <blockquote>"A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those (forests) did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action."</blockquote>I don't see what the problem there is. Just make sure the troops have enough Doritos.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1160667297450347112006-10-12T11:34:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:38.502-04:00File Under:Immaculate ConfinementI'm thinking either the word <a href="http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-10-12T122227Z_01_HAN81349_RTRUKOC_0_US-VIETNAM-PREGNANCY.xml&src=rss">"pregnant" or "solitary"</a> is being used somewhat loosely here.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1160577030243763922006-10-11T10:30:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:38.425-04:00File Under:Growing PainsIn order to get taller, people in China are doing, as <a href="http://www.reuters.com">Reuters</a> correctly points out in the headline of the article, <a href="http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-10-11T115151Z_01_PEK257103_RTRUKOC_0_US-CHINA-LEG.xml&src=rss">what used to be called torture</a> to themselves. Oh, excuse me. I mean, <a href="http://balkin.blogspot.com/2006/09/getting-with-program-clarity-through.html">alternative interrogation</a>. Okay, let's split the difference and just call it an <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/harry-shearer/a-clarifying-moment_b_29638.html">outrage upon human dignity</a>. Me? I blame <a href="http://www.yaomingmania.com/blog/category/yaos-journal/">Yao</a> for setting the standard so high (pun almost not intended).<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4431/810/1600/47_cleese_gonzo.jpg"><img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4431/810/200/47_cleese_gonzo.jpg" style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4431/810/200/47_cleese_gonzo.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /></span><p><span style="font-size:85%;">Above: Mr. Cleese, a young professional, questioning a person of interest, Gonzo.</span></p>yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1160057929768712272006-10-05T10:07:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:38.348-04:00File Under:Excuses to Give the Traffic Cop, QuestionableThe results of a recent survey suggest that <a href="http://tinyurl.com/fxzn7">drivers don't pay attention to the road because their minds are in the gutter</a>.<br /><br />From the Reuters article:<br /><p></p><blockquote><p><span style="font-size:85%;">The study also revealed drivers' pet hates.</span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">Topping the list were tailgaters (28 percent), lane hoggers (20 percent) and drivers who cut in (11 percent).</span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">Other road users who drove too fast and those who drove too slowly were also rated on 11 percent.</span></p></blockquote><p></p>I wonder whether it is those who drive too fast or those who drive too slow who have their minds on the extracurricular activities.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1159975307672279362006-10-04T11:21:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:38.275-04:00File Under:Failure to CommunicateGreat. <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/5406498.stm">We have no idea what we're talking about</a>.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Theoretically related post: <a href="http://apocalypse-etc.blogspot.com/2006/07/my-version-of-your-story.html">My version of your story</a></span>yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1158953449801450532006-09-22T15:28:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:38.203-04:00You should hear how it sounds in my headA list of things I've heard others say well, and sometimes practice saying out loud for myself:<br /><br />"I mean, <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span>." (David Sedaris)<br />"Who do you think you are? Just <span style="font-style: italic;">who the hell</span>?" (various speakers)<br />"Oh I see." (Harry Shearer. <span style="font-style: italic;">This is spoken somewhat quickly, after pretending to misinterpret, and then figure out the intended meaning of, something that has been spoken or written.</span>)<br />"Well, <span style="font-style: italic;">good afternoon!</span>" (George Kell. This one has to be heard by the original speaker to really understand. Kell used to play for the Detroit Tigers, and then went on to the broadcast booth for play-by-play on WDIV, Channel 4, in Detroit. He'd start his telecasts on bright, sunny afternoon games with this greeting in his characteristic, enthusiastic, drawl, and then continue to tell his audience that it was a "beautiful day for baseball in downtown Detroit.")yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1158158815381062602006-09-13T10:46:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:38.128-04:00File Under:Facial Hair for JusticeYes, bin Laden is still at large, but don't worry: <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/09/13/bin.laden.beard.ap/index.html?section=cnn_topstories">this should get him caught</a>.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1157486991699990182006-09-05T15:11:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:38.055-04:00Tagged?I've been tagged. Which means either:<br />a) I'm about to get whacked<br />b) I now have cooties<br />c) I have been asked to make a reckoning for myself as to some aspect of my life that others may find interesting but I wouldn't generally think to just mention otherwise.<br /><br />I skimmed the few blogs that I visit from time to time, and was relieved to find the answer is most likely c. I was relieved, anyway, until I realized that I'm about to offer up something not even I find interesting. Fortunately, I have a place to hide this information which is virtually guaranteed to go all but unnoticed: my blog.<br /><br />They call it a meme. I don't know what that means. If I read it as me-me, I can't even do this. If that's the case, let's just end this right here. However, I see it as <span style="font-style: italic;">même</span>, which is French for "same," and doesn't really make sense, but I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for it.<br /><br />So, without further ado, here's nothing:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. One book that changed your life:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span>"Caring is Creepy," by the Shins. Oh, you said <span style="font-style: italic;">book</span>? Geez, that's harder. I should probably level with you: I don't read much. Not books, anyway. I'm not that good of a person. I know people who love books. They're always reading something, and they're well-versed in everything. They understand Kafka references, and make little parallels between their lives and those of the Lilliputians in Jonathan Swift's whatever-that-was-called, as they gently swirl the wine in their glasses and pause to note the oakiness of the flavor. I nod my head pretending to know what they're talking about, but I can't help but think that "Lilliputian" sounds like a porn star name. Then I drink the rest of my beer right out of the bottle.<br /><br />But if I had 12 seconds to come up with an answer, I'd probably say <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Flannery-OConnor-Signet-Classics-Paperback/dp/0451525140/sr=8-1/qid=1157485915/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books"><span style="font-style: italic;">Three by Flannery O' Connor</span></a>. O'Connor was wickedly funny and had a way of getting to the point soon enough for people like me to be able to stay with it, while making the characters and their surroundings absolutely fascinating. Besides, this is like the literary equivalent of David Lynch. She gives me hope that I can enjoy reading intelligent fiction, and that perhaps someday I'll have a literary reference to throw out in conversation, albeit probably still over a bottle of beer.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. One book that you've read more than once:</span><br /><br />This whole thing is about books, isn't it?<br /><br />Okay, let's see, there's gotta be one I've read more than once. Does <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hop-on-Pop-Beginner-BooksR/dp/039480029X/sr=1-1/qid=1157486256/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books"><span style="font-style: italic;">Hop on Pop</span></a> count? No? Fine. How about <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Catcher-in-Rye-J-D-Salinger/dp/0316769487/sr=1-1/qid=1157486357/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books"><span style="font-style: italic;">Catcher in the Rye</span></a>? Yes, it was in high school. Yes, both times. Yes, it was assigned both times.<br /><br />Oh, I know. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Zondervan-Study-Bible-Personal-Size/dp/0310923077/sr=1-13/qid=1157486498/ref=sr_1_13/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books"><span style="font-style: italic;">The Bible</span>, NIV version</a>. I did read that <a href="http://www.slate.com/id/2141050/">cover-to-cover</a> twice. I started a third time, but I don't think I got too far.<br /><br />3. <strong>One book you'd want on a deserted island:</strong><br /><br />A DIY book that would describe in perfect clarity how to build a sink-proof boat made of natural materials found on deserted islands.<br /><br /><strong>4. One book that made you laugh:<br /></strong><br /><em>One? </em>Well, if I couldn't mention <a href="http://http://www.amazon.com/Partly-Cloudy-Patriot-Sarah-Vowell/dp/0743243803/sr=1-3/qid=1157487534/ref=pd_bbs_3/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books">Sarah Vowell's <em>The Partly Cloudy Patriot</em></a> or <a href="http://http://www.amazon.com/Me-Talk-Pretty-One-Day/dp/0316776963/sr=1-1/qid=1157487599/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books">David Sedaris' <em>Me Talk Pretty One Day</em></a>, perhaps I'd mention <a href="http://http://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stewart-Presents-America-Book/dp/0446532681/sr=1-2/qid=1157487654/ref=pd_bbs_2/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books">Jon Stewart's <em>America</em></a>, or any one of the <a href="http://http://www.amazon.com/Prehistory-Far-Side-Gary-Larson/dp/0836218515/sr=1-10/qid=1157487709/ref=sr_1_10/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books">Far Side</a> Galleries.<br /><br /><strong>5. One book that made you cry:</strong><br /><br />Sorry. I got nothing here.<br /><br />Here's a question, and I know it's going to make me seem like some insensitive beast, but here it goes: <em>Why in the world</em> do people -- okay, mostly women -- read, view, and listen to stuff that makes them cry? Especially fiction? Fiction, here, meaning stuff that isn't real that someone made up and decided to use to emotionally manipulate his or her audience in order to take their money. People actually go to the movies because they know the story will make them cry. They pay money for this. Money spent to be weepy. They spend hours reading books that will make them sad. How is this practical? Why not just set out and decide you're going to have a crappy day? That way, if you don't have time to watch the Lifetime channel, you know you'll be depressed anyway. I mean, really.<br /><br /><strong>6. One book you wish had been written:</strong><br /><br /><em>Yes, it Really Does Matter That You Know How to Use an Apostrophe.<br /><br /></em><strong>7. One book you wish had never been written:</strong><br /><br />Any book whose hype far outweighs its quality and/or has "inspired" box office dreck. To wit: Any of those insuferably dull and formulaic Harry Potter books and <em>The DaVinci Code</em>.<br /><br /><strong>8. One book you're currently reading:</strong><br /><br />Just got finished reading <em><a href="http://http://www.amazon.com/Cash-Autobiography-Johnny/dp/0061013579/sr=1-1/qid=1157489937/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books">Cash, the Autobiography</a></em> by Johnny Cash. Just finished listening to <em>Me Talk Pretty One Day</em>, and John Bunyan's <em><a href="http://http://www.amazon.com/Pilgrims-Progress-Dover-Thrift-Editions/dp/0486426750/sr=1-1/qid=1157489204/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books">The Pilgrim's Progress parts One and Two</a></em>. Currently listening to <a href="http://http://www.amazon.com/Dress-Your-Family-Corduroy-Denim/dp/B000ESSSJS/sr=1-1/qid=1157490001/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books"><em>Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim</em> by Sedaris</a>. I've also always got the <a href="http://http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Illustrated-William-Strunk/dp/1594200696/sr=1-2/qid=1157489103/ref=pd_bbs_2/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books">illustrated version of Strunk and White's <em>Elements of Style</em></a> nearby.<br /><br /><strong>9. One book you've been meaning to read:</strong><br /><br />I've tried several times to read <a href="http://http://www.amazon.com/Poisonwood-Bible-Novel-Barbara-Kingsolver/dp/0060512822/sr=1-1/qid=1157488940/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8926935-4136937?ie=UTF8&s=books"><em>The Poisonwood Bible</em> by Barbara Kingsolver</a>, but each time have been interrupted, and had to start over because I forgot what I had already read. My mom got it for me as a gift several years ago, and I am looking forward to sitting down with it and reading it. I know I'll enjoy it.<br /><br /><strong>10. Tag six people:</strong><br /><br />There are not six people who read this blog. I would, however, be interested in what <a href="http://nuclearity.org">Hugh</a> has been reading. <strong>Ernie Jo </strong>also has recently mentioned a book she read, and I'd like to hear more. Finally, I don't know if <a href="http://www.xanga.com/abbasfriend">Jennifer</a> ever stops by here or not (my guess is no), but she'd be a good one to read from.<br /><br />Oh, and as a postscript, here's a quote from a fictional character who, in fact, reminds me much of myself:<br /><blockquote>"Hey, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm certainly not the dumbest. I mean, I've read books like <span style="font-style: italic;">The Unbearable Lightness of Being</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Love in the Time of Cholera</span>, and I think I've understood them. They're about girls, right? Just kidding. But I have to say my all-time favorite book is Johnny Cash's autobiography <span style="font-style: italic;">Cash by Johnny Cash.</span>"<br /><br />-Rob Gordon, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0146882/"><span style="font-style: italic;">High Fidelity</span></a><br /></blockquote>yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1156432604942055862006-08-24T11:16:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:37.978-04:00File Under:Demotions of Astronomical ProportionsForget everything you thought you knew about <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/5282440.stm">Pluto. It is no longer a planet</a>.<br /><br />So, what, the mnemonic goes, "My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine"? That doesn't make any sense at all. How are kids going to remember the planetary order?<br /><br />How about, "Mister Vindictive Evil Magistrate Judge Served Us Notices"?<br /><br />Anyone else have any ideas? Leave a comment.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1155996468705893262006-08-19T09:58:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:37.906-04:00File Under:Unfortunate Hiring DecisionsIf you're a plastic surgeon, you might do well to not hire a <a href="http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/website-scars-top-surgeon/2006/08/18/1155408025299.html#">web designer with grammar issues who apparently wants to be a B-movie director</a>, or something. The <a href="http://www.smh.com.au/">Sydney Morning Herald</a> reports this injustice done to the poor good doctor, among other things:<br /><blockquote>The text told the reader that immediately after the operation, when facial scars and bruises were obvious, "very young children will be scarred of you ..." A later version referred to the risk of scaring, and said that "scaring is kept to a minimum".</blockquote>yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1155758135654639022006-08-16T15:41:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:37.838-04:00File Under:Signs that the Financial Hardship is upon Your Company<a href="http://www.nwa.com">Northwest Airlines</a> <a href="http://today.reuters.com/news/articleinvesting.aspx?view=CN&storyID=2006-08-15T201649Z_01_N15420743_RTRIDST_0_AIRLINES-NORTHWEST.XML&rpc=66&type=qcna">wants its employees to go dumpster diving</a>? <span style="font-style: italic;">What?!<br /><br /></span>yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1155737667058752362006-08-16T10:14:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:37.747-04:00File Under:Breast Augmentation Saved My LifeI take back every disparaging and sarcastic remark I've ever made about breast implants. Apparently, <a href="http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-08-16T104848Z_01_L15146988_RTRUKOC_0_US-MIDEAST-IMPLANTS.xml&src=rss">they can save your life</a>. Who knew?yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1154357059807927502006-07-31T10:44:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:37.679-04:00File Under:We Didn't See This ComingAt least one scientist thinks that <a href="http://today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=scienceNews&storyID=2006-07-31T141133Z_01_L31611475_RTRUKOC_0_US-SCIENCE-INVISIBLE.xml&WTmodLoc=Home-C5-scienceNews-2">the Invisible Woman may be on to something</a>. According to Reuters:<br /><blockquote>"She guides light around her using a force field in this cartoon. This is what could be done in practice," (Dr. Ulf) Leonhardt told Reuters in an interview. "That comes closest to what engineers will probably be able to do in the future."</blockquote>Still no word as to whether the <a href="http://experts.about.com/e/w/wo/Wonder_Twins.htm">Wonder Twins</a>' powers are likely to ever be available to the general market.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10463176.post-1154100612511040602006-07-28T10:20:00.000-04:002006-10-16T12:09:37.607-04:00My version of your storyI don't fit in with most of the personal blog demographic. This is because:<br /><br />a) I am not a girl.<br />b) I am not a teenage girl.<br />c) I am not a post-college-aged woman.<br />d) I am not a mother.<br />e) I <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">hate</span> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahoo%21_Avatars">avatars</a> (see a through d).<br />f) I am not a porn-obsessed teenage boy, college student, or post-college-aged man.<br />g) I do not pretend to believe that what I have to say could possibly be as close to interesting to you as it is to me.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">A note of clarification: most of the blogs I read regularly also do not fall into the category described in g. So no, I'm not taking a shot at you, in case you're wondering.</span><br />h) When possible, I avoid emoticons and abbreviations in my blogs.<br />i) My rule regarding exclamation points: One in any given sentence is enough. More than one in any sentence are too many.<br /><br />Not sure how I was going to get there, but the point I was going to eventually make was that there are abbreviations that I see in lots of blogs, that I have found to have more humorous alternatives. For example, <span style="font-style: italic;">DD</span> is supposed to equal <span style="font-style: italic;">Dear Daughter</span>. Granted, <span style="font-style: italic;">DD</span> is tons easier to write, but in my head, I see it as <span style="font-style: italic;">Dungeons and Dragons</span>. Or maybe, <span style="font-style: italic;">Double Density</span>. <span style="font-style: italic;">DS</span> equals <span style="font-style: italic;">Dear Son</span>, but I read it as <span style="font-style: italic;">Double-Sided</span>. <span style="font-style: italic;">OMG!!!</span> is supposed to stand for <span style="font-style: italic;">Oh My G-d!!!</span> but I think from now on, I'll read it as <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Old Man Garrett!!!</span></span><br /><br />Plug these in to your favourite blog read, and tell me if it isn't more entertaining. You know, like <a href="http://www.homestarrunner.com/stronglibs.html">MadLibs</a>.<br /><br />AFAIK = After Falling Asleep, I Kill<br />BIL = Bill<br />BTW = Booker T. Washington<br />DH = Designated Hitter<br />FIL = Filmore, California<br />FWIW = Fort Worth International Warehouse<br />GF = Goals For<br />IM = Inconvenient Mittelschmerz<br />IMO = International Maritime Organization<br />IMHO = I'm a Ho<br />J/K = Jack Kerouac<br />LOL = Land O' Lakes<br />OTOH = Oh! That's Orbison's House<br />SIL = Stuff Inside Lasagna<br />WTF? = Where's the Film?<br />YMMV = Your Mom's Motorized Vehicle<br /><br /><br />Feel free to add your own.yakmidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01311936331350663190noreply@blogger.com1