"Blog" is a stupid word

Dear Steven,

I do not like the word, "blog." Never have. It sounds like something large and involuntary that has made a wrong-way turn in a human baby's esophagus. I feel the need to apologize when I use the word in polite company, or at least to say it in a way that carries the understanding that it is not a word I approve of, and I use it only because it is standard convention.

Please find another word to describe yourself.

Thank you.

Five-syllable words

Do you mind if I call you Steven? I think it would just help me to write if I had a name to attach to your face. I'll work on the face later, but you have to start somewhere, right? The other options I pondered were Diane (because I am a Twin Peaks fan), and Mrs. Crazypants. In the end, I thought Steven was nice. I do reserve the right to change your name (and perhaps, your face) later if I so choose.

Last night, Steven, as I was falling asleep, I started going over five-syllable words in my head. Think of your favorite five-syllable word. Let me guess: the emphasis is on the third syllable, right? Of course, there are five-syllable words that have the emphasis elsewhere -- say, the fourth syllable -- but those are generally not as popular as the emphasis-on-the-third-syllable five-syllable words.

If you still haven't chosen your favorite, allow me to list some popular suggestions:

Auditorium
Thessalonians
Macadamia
Penitentiary
Acrophobia
Hypochondriac
Hippopotamus

Below are some of the less-commonly-claimed five-syllable words of choice. I'm not saying these are necessarily worse than the ones listed above. However, don't you think there's probably a reason that some words are less popular than others, Steven? Ponder that, and read these:

Periodontist
GarrisonKeiller
Articulation
Telekinesis
Louisiana